Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
