Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
