He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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