You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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