Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
