He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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