She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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