Screwed.edu
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Floor bacon is actually really good
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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