it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
