ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
