New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
