You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize