Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
