So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
