Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
