you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
