I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
