New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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