it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
