Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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