trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
