So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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