The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
