Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
