I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
