You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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