Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
