I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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