She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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