i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
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20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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