You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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