I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
this will be a night to untag.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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