i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
