I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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