i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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