Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
