shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
