so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
