Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
