There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
