He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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