The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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