so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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