what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
