It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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