She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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