You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
