you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
