toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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