How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
