is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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