he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
