There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
