Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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