I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
