come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
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apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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