She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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