I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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