Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
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I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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