I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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