who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
