so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
