This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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