in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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