I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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