Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
