if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
