genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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