My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
