This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
