How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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