Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
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Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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