So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
