She said her name was "party"
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
