Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
