I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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